12/12/2016 NEWS

UPDATE ON SOME SAD, DIFFICULT NEWS:

A MEMBER OF NET-JAM WAS INVOLVED IN A SPACECRAFT ACCIDENT. HIS SHIP, THE SPACE SHUTTLE COLUMBIA, WAS DAMAGED DURING LIFT-OFF BY ANOTHER POORLY-PILOTED SHIP. THE MEMBER, "FUCKER", WAS PETITIONED AND INQUIRIED REGARDING HIS HEALTH. HE SUFFERED A MINOR O-RING BLOWOUT. HE HAS SUMMONED THE INSURANCE COMPANIES, WHICH HAVE PROVED CHALLENGING AT BEST.

WE WISH "FUCKER" A SPEEDY (LIKE AT A STOPLIGHT BEFORE GETTING T-BONED, HUH HUH?) RECOVERY.

THIS IS NET-JAM NEWS.

EDITOR'S NOTE: THIS STORY WAS BEAMED TO US VIA SATELITE BY A FAT, FLOATING RETARD SOMEWHERE BEYOND THIS SYSTEM'S VISUAL HORIZINE. IT HAD TO BE TRANSLATED, BY HUMPBACK WHALE, OR THIS ENTIRE STORY WOULD HAVE READ AS FOLLOWS: "HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, CRKCRKCRKCRKCRK, HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM CHALLENGER HNMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM".